Let’s set the record straight.
If women always tell you, “You’re a great guy but I don’t feel that spark…”
It’s because they don’t feel a sexual connection with you. And that’s most likely because you haven’t taken the right actions to facilitate that attraction.
You may be sweet and have engaging conversations. You make women laugh. You wait patiently until a girl’s comfortable with you.
That all builds rapport, trust, and comfort within a connection. But that’s rarely enough to have women desire intimacy with you.
I know this as true even without hearing your story. Easily 9 out of 10 times I’ll be right. People try to argue it’s not that cut and dry…but it is.
Some men stay in denial. They keep trying to “friend” their way into romance and never flirt, often due to the advice of their female friends.
Those guys struggle endlessly to build romantic connections.
Some women say I’m generalizing. They think that I’m ignoring individuality and preferences. They may even take it as a sexist remark.
I fully recognize and respect your uniqueness. I want other men to appreciate that, too.
But I also recognize patterns. So while maybe all you need is a kind guy who listens well for you to like him — you are in the minority.
For thousand of years women have been attracted to guys with certain qualities. They don’t respond to men who lack them. I’ve seen it thousands of times in the last 10 years.
These qualities tend to be: assertiveness, grit, sexuality, and confidence.
The majority of women select men based on these qualities. It’s hardwired into biology.
Attraction is an emotional response. Women have to FEEL the qualities that turn them on to a man.
If a guy has massive amounts of PASSIVE attractiveness like physical looks, wealth, power, or social status — that can showcase those desireable qualities in itself. Most men, though, need to demonstrate ACTIVE attractiveness to jumpstart their connections.
In the animal kingdom, almost every species has a courtship ritual in which males show their best selves to the females.
As Wikipedia states:
“Usually, the male starts the courtship, and the female chooses to either mate or reject the male based on his ‘performance’… Animal courtship may involve complicated dances or touching, vocalizations, or displays of beauty or fighting prowess.”
For men who struggle with romance, your first instinct shouldn’t be to tell them to keep doing what they’re doing. Why would you lead with advice that works for the minority? It’s statistically the least helpful fix and just bad advice.
You should teach what works for most situations and then adjust if they’re dealing with with special circumstances. That’s how we educate people in every other aspect of life.
So guys, if you always end up as a friend when you really want more, it’s probably because…
